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Compassion in action: Strong Individuals Need Support Too!

Mon, 29 May 2023 23:25:58 GMT

Cultivating Compassion for the Resilient Souls

Empathy Needed

We often admire and appreciate the strong, brave, and smart people in our lives. They are the ones we turn to for advice, support, and inspiration. But sometimes, it is easy to forget that these individuals are human beings with feelings and emotions, who need understanding and empathy just as much as anyone else.

The Strong One

These strong individuals are the ones we call when we need advice or a listening ear. They are our mentors and confidants, and it is an honor to be sought after for their invaluable insights. But being the "strong one" can be both a blessing and a burden. They often find themselves in the position of solving problems, offering pep talks, and standing in the gap for others. This responsibility can be incredibly fulfilling, but it can also be exhausting.

They’re only Human

Despite their resilience, strong people experience moments of vulnerability. They cry, get sick, and experience heartbreak. At times, they may wish to simply stay in bed and let the world pass them by. It is important to remember that they too have their struggles and challenges, even if they do not broadcast them on social media.

The Workhorse

In addition to being strong, these individuals are often meticulous and dedicated to their work. They have a drive to get things done on time, which can lead to others relying on them to pick up the slack. While they may welcome the opportunity to help, it is crucial to acknowledge the effort they put in and not take their hard work for granted.

Finding Connection

When strong individuals find others who share their experiences and understand their humanity, it can be an incredibly rewarding connection. These relationships are a source of support and camaraderie, as they recognize and appreciate each other's strengths and vulnerabilities.

How to Support the Strong One

To truly support and appreciate the strong people in our lives, we must remember to treat them with empathy and kindness. Ask them how they are doing, and genuinely listen to their responses. Be considerate of their time and energy and help when needed. A simple gesture, like checking in on them when they are feeling unwell or providing a listening ear, can go a long way in showing them that you care.

Conclusion

Being the strong one in our social circle comes with its own set of challenges and responsibilities. It is essential to remember the humanity behind the strength and offer empathy and support to these individuals. They too need understanding and care, just like everyone else. So, reach out to the strong ones in your life and let them know you are there for them.

Confidence and Humility a winning combination.

Fri, 28 Apr 2023 07:14:55 GMT

While attending a continuing education class the facilitator shared a phrase that resonated with me, and it lingered in my mind the entire day. This powerful simplicity captivated me

While attending a continuing education class the facilitator shared a phrase that resonated with me, and it lingered in my mind the entire day. This powerful simplicity captivated me, “Argue like you’re right, listen like you’re wrong” This statement, popularized by organizational psychologist and best-selling author Adam Grant, suggest that having this type of mindset fosters communication and allows one to be open minded, and confident with intellectual humility. But just why did it resonate so much with me? I had never put a name to or understood how I processed information. I lead with humility and a desire to understand other perspectives. I am of the mindset that I have something to learn from everyone. While I may take a confident stance, I never want to be so closed minded that I overlook even the most minute detail. It sounds like I’ve been following the “Argue like you’re right, listen like you’re wrong philosophy in most instances and not realizing it. (though not necessarily arguing in the literal sense)

This phrase offers the delicate balance between confidence and humility that is truly required for effective communication. It asks the question: what if you’re wrong? If you are only listening to respond instead of listening to understand, where is the room for personal growth and development? I submit that having a mindset that allows a level of intellectual humility will allow us to broaden our horizons. It can help us to alleviate bias and embrace other perspectives. Open your mind to the views of others. By taking the approach of listening like you’re wrong you allow space for someone to present you with evidence that could potentially cause a shift in your view. You should always give yourself the freedom of adaptability, upon hearing sound evidence you can add to and adjust your perspective. Never shun improvement or expansion. I love learning, and the ability to be open to other perspectives allows for continued growth. Let’s dive in and break down the phrase “Argue like you’re right, listen like you’re wrong”:

Argue Like You’re Right

1. Confidence in your perspective: If you are confident in your perspective, whether it’s in a debate or teaching, or however you are communicating your perspective you can articulate your point more effectively. It also creates room for open and honest communication because you are buying into your stance. When you believe something, your perspective is far more compelling than when you’re unsure about what you believe.

2. Logic and Reasoning: While confidence is a key factor in arguing like you’re right, you should be able to support your position. Your position should be well thought out and logical, with sound reasoning. The facts do matter. Don’t just pull something out of the Ether and attempt to force others to accept your belief or what you’ve heard as fact. Always do your due diligence. This may enhance your perspective and lend more credibility to your point of view. It shows a commitment towards intellectual rigor.

3. Adaptability: Yes, while you are confident and even using great logic and reasoning you must remain open to added information. Your ability to process updated information and adapt your perspective is a sign that you want to engage in productive dialog, and it can also be seen as a sign of intellectual growth.

Listen Like You’re Wrong.

1. Humility and Open Mindedness: When you listen like you’re wrong you acknowledge that there is always the potential for your perspective to be flawed. It also means that you are open to learning from others, which also paves the way for more intellectual growth.

2. Active Listening: If you are going to adopt such a mindset it is imperative that you listen to others. When you are actively listening you are engaged in the discussion, which leaves room for you to ask poignant questions, and to get a clear understanding of what the other party is offering before offering your response.

3. Open to diversity of thought: By taking on the mindset to listen like you’re wrong you open your mind to a diversity of perspectives. It allows you to recognize that there are other approaches that are valuable. Isn’t it intelligent to keep your environment open to added information and knowledge that allows for unlimited growth? Healthy dialogue that is conducive to learning and moving communication forward seems like a winning combination for all involved.

“Argue Like You’re Right, Listen like You’re Wrong” requires a mindset change, but it also strikes a delicate balance between confidence and humility. It is certainly a philosophy that I plan to be more mindful of as I engage in communication with others. Learning to communicate more effectively considers all perspectives whether we agree with them or not. Moreover, it allows for intellectual growth. And Afterall, shouldn’t we all strive for more growth?

Silent No More...

Fri, 29 May 2020 05:16:16 GMT

Silent No More...

A case of the nagging What Ifs… Have you ever had that nagging feeling that hits you right in the Solar-Plexus (3rd Chakra for those interested), and it simply will not go away?

A case of the nagging What Ifs…

Have you ever had that nagging feeling that hits you right in the Solar-Plexus (3rd Chakra for those interested), and it simply will not go away? Yes, I have too, and what I've learned is that when we don’t stop and listen, pay attention to it, and address it, it can lead to a great deal of self-inflicted pain and stress. There is something that you want to say, you want to scream it but you are silenced by your fears, or the fears others have projected onto you. You carry that feeling around, and you do nothing. Eventually it will subside, but will it truly go away? Likely, it will just resurface and you’re left feeling numb. You are left with regrets, always wondering “what if?”

The reality is we can come up with a thousand what ifs? Many of those “what ifs” actually stifle growth and will have you locked in fear, fear of the unknown, and the fear of other people's perception of you. We are all given choices, and we will never know with 100% certainty what lies ahead when deciding what path to take. There are certainly stats that will support the likelihood of how something will turn out, but regardless of what lies at the end of our chosen path, you will never know what it is, if you give into fear.

Truth has a Season…

Fear has caused many of us to dim our light, fail to speak our true feelings, and simply sink down into our own personal prison. Fear chips away at our mind, daily. We walk around with unspoken words and regrets that can follow us through the entirety of our lives. We are afraid of hurting someone’s feelings, afraid of the outcome, afraid that we will be judged, afraid that someone may try to ruin our reputation, afraid that we will disappoint those that look up to us, afraid that we may lose something like a job, a friendship, a relationship. Your mind creates dis-ease, and you lose focus. There are so many things to weigh and so much to fear. But while you fear the loss of something else, fear and silence has you losing a piece of yourself, each time you fail to speak up.

This does not mean that you should try to degrade others; there is a time to monitor your words, having a filter is okay, because sometimes times we can speak out of turn. Your opinion of someone's style of dress, or how they wear their hair or some other trivial personal opinion you have of someone else shouldn't nag at you so much that it causes you stress and a feeling of emptiness. If so, there may be something else going on with you. We can always be tactful, we all know the old adage, and “it’s not what you say sometimes but how you say it”. Tact is not a bad thing, and it's okay to use it. There is also a time to mind your own business. When something doesn't affect your life one way or the other, you shouldn't be consumed by it. Typically that's akin to nosiness and simply having nothing else to do with your life but mind other people's business. I point this out because I don't want anyone to misconstrue what I mean by silence.

Is Silence Complicity?

Being silent when a situation impacts you or the people you love is the focus. You cannot silence your voice so much that it causes you to shrink as a person, because you fear self expression. Sometimes silence is complicity. Sometimes when you are silent you are aiding deception. When pondering whether to speak up, to calm that nagging feeling you need only question why you fear speaking up? Then examine it. What are you afraid to lose? How does silence serve you and your greater good? Is it impulsive and only meant to damage and disparage? If saying it will alleviate your stress and ease your mind then what's stopping you? When we stay quiet are we actually silencing the voice of God within? If it's nagging at you, what is the Universe trying to tell you? Sometimes we want to warn people of something, but we choose to stay silent for fear of offending them or even losing them. Sometimes people consider what you’re saying to them as interfering, and actually that’s okay too. The person will accept or reject what you share with them, and either way life goes on. But you can rest easy because you know that you shared what was in your heart to share, and you never have to wonder, “what if.”

Rejection

Rejection is a hard pill to swallow for most. The fear of rejection has left many of us in a state of perpetual “what ifs”. We are left wondering what if we had tried, or what should we have done or said. We wallow in memories of the past, and often ponder what our future could have looked like if we just had done and said something different when we had the chance. A good friend of mine told me one day to "Stop Shoulding on yourself." Stop worrying about what could have been done, because you are here and now and you can't undo what has been done. You will never know what life could have been had you chosen a different path.

We all at some point will question the paths we choose. However, based on these choices we are exactly where we are at this day and time. The reality is, however, when we choose to silence our voice, it is impossible to know what would have or could have been. At this point you have to learn to let it go, and move forward, and be silent no more. There are no do over’s, we cannot go back in time. So, if you love someone, tell them, if they reject your love you never have to wonder “what if”. You never have to spend a lifetime loving a person from afar and wondering what if. If you failed to apply for a job because you feared rejection because you thought they would never choose you, you will never know. That's just it, we never know.

Sometimes we see the aftermath of our silence and it isn't pretty. This occurs with both minor and major decisions. Many failed to speak up when they saw injustice, and usually out of fear. People are crippled by their fear of reprisal, fear of alienation, or losing that cushy position, or even their life. But then I’m reminded of how we spend a lot of time thinking back on how speaking out could have changed the course of things. Perhaps lending your voice could have been the one thing to cause justice to prevail. You see in many cases we feel you're damned if you do or damned if you don't. We have to ask ourselves what is really at the root of our fear. What is it that stops us from projecting the sound of our voice, using our outside voice? What stops you? A healthy amount of fear is reasonable; it’s human, so long as it doesn’t cripple you and leave you stagnated. But we will never know what lies at the end of fear, if we opt to stay quiet and make no noise at all, be it our voice or our action. Some of us actually fear succeeding. Success is not just about career choices. Success can be as simple as being unafraid to be your own true and authentic self. When we choose to stay silent about things that we feel strongly and passionately about we are not being our true selves. We have to learn to overcome our fear of rejection. Fear leads us into silence, and further away from being who we are at our core.

“I don’t want to marry her; I’m in love with you”

Over twenty plus years ago, I had a very close male friend; you could almost say we were like best friends. A week prior to his wedding he came to me and said “I don't want to get married”; “I'm in love with you.” Of course, my feelings were not mutual, but I immediately told him if he felt that way he should not marry her, but he did anyway. He feared telling her his true feelings, and ended up in a tumultuous marriage for years. They are still married, and I have no clue what it's like today. I’m not sure what he would have done had I felt the same as he. However, the fear of being alone caused him to be silent, and not share with the woman he was about to marry his true feelings. Perhaps he didn’t have to share that he was in love with another, but clearly he wasn’t ready to be married, and it cost him. Will he ever know what his life could have been like had he been forthcoming? No not really but the fear of being alone forced him to make a fear inspired decision. Fear of the unknown, fear of how he would look in her eyes, and others. It's amazing how we justify our actions using deceptive intelligence to convince ourselves that silencing our voice is a benefit to ourselves and those we love.

Fear nothing and no one but God

If you love someone let them know, if you are rejected, so what, because you never have to live with “what if” I tried. If you want to achieve a goal, go after it, if it's unattainable at least you tried and never have to wonder what if. I'm starting to think “What if”, is not our friend. “What if” will have you on a hamster’s wheel, afraid to jump off. This doesn't mean to go out half cocked and mentally unprepared for the outcome of our actions, regardless of what it may be, fear should not stand in the way.

Recently, I was pondering something and talking it over with a friend, which I do recommend, as well as a spiritual advisor, clergy, etc. You are not always seeking advice, but "wise counsel is a good thing. We should always examine our motives, just don't get stuck on the Hamster’s wheel. Nevertheless, the friend had all of these scenarios of what ifs, and I said I had no fear. My friend then questioned if that was my pride talking, I said no. “I fear nothing and no one but God”. It rolled off of my tongue and I realized at that moment that when we give in to fear it keeps us from expressing what we need to say. For those of us who have belief in God, are we really telling God that I fear what you've created more than you? If you fear the creation over who you believe to be the Creator, then where is your faith? I’m talking about faith that you are doing the right thing when you speak up and stop subduing your voice.

Finding your voice…

Oft times the problem many of us have, is, figuring out how do I get there, how do I learn to use my voice and not silence it? In a nutshell, just practice. Speak up on small matters first. Get comfortable with it, see how good it feels to say something, and feel the relief that comes behind it. Pray, meditate, fast do whatever needs to be done to tune in and listen to that internal voice that wants to come out. We can seek the opinions of others, but it's just that, opinions. Take what you hear from them, and get quiet, and quite frankly tap into the wisdom of the Universe. It is there for you to use at your disposal. I am personally making the choice to be silent no more, and refuse to be gripped by fear, because being crippled by fear simply does not serve me well. If we are in tune with the God within, we will know when to speak and when not to. This will not give you a license to complain and vent all of the time, because complaining is not communicating. This also doesn’t mean to over share because you need validation or attaboys to feel good about yourself. Over sharing doesn’t mean you are freeing yourself from a self imposed prison, especially if you’re living a lie, because you could be camouflaging and masking the truth, buried in your subconscious mind. The subconscious mind can only be suppressed for so long. When things get quiet, or when you start to drift into sleepiness suppressed thoughts begin to surface. You toss and turn at night, your mind races when you’re alone, you need distractions, because you are silencing the real you. Just be you, and on purpose, the real you. Silence isn't always golden, so don’t let fear silence you. I'll end here with this quote that I love, "But what if I fall, oh but my darling what if you fly?"~ Erin Hanson

Fix IT: You're enlightened but you're living your best lie...

Fri, 29 May 2020 05:16:15 GMT

Fix IT: You're enlightened but you're living your best lie...

So many so-called conscious and righteous folks are out here doing the very things in their personal lives that those whom so many of us claim we want to help enlighten are doing. People's personal lives are a hot ass mess out here. We knowingly walk right into situations that do not serve our greatest good in an effort to drown out internal pain and struggles, seeking answers in places they are not meant to be found, and then justify them by claiming to have been led there by our instincts. Whether you say it was Spirit, God, the Universe or whatever, stop lying to yourself because it's BS. Stop the BS. Most people are wearing a mask, and just like the drug addict and alcoholic, they mask their pain by making poor life choices, overindulging in distractions, hidden promiscuity, overspending, relationship hopping, creating worse situations for themselves because they seek temporary fixes to an underlying problem that never goes away, because it’s never fully addressed. Past scars keep resurfacing so patterns are continuously repeated.

And you call yourself Righteous Follow Me…

A great friend of mine told me that when she decided she wanted to become an ordained Minister, her Pastor was excited, even wanted to assist her with paying for theology school, but what he informed her that she had to do first was incredible. He told her before you can go and Minister to others you have to FIRST fix yourself. He told her that before he would allow her in front of congregants she had to go to counseling FIRST and work out all of her issues. One of the problems that many of us want to be “Gurus” and “Leaders” and alleged “Healers” have is that when we find a body of truth that we think is good for us, we believe we have all that we need. We think because we have read a bunch of books and seen powerful YouTube videos that we have all the answers, and now we can “minister” to others. This actually appeals to a lot of people who are in the most need of therapy; they can’t wait to save others but have failed to save themselves. They forget to put on their oxygen mask, first. You can’t wait to share this truth, to wake people up but yet what many fail to do is start with self first! When did you take the time to heal your past issues and scars? Did you address your toxic behaviors? Or were you blinded by the number of people actually listening to you, and the addiction got real! You were likely intoxicated by the fact that people listened to you. They find your words profound; it’s like a new purchase that you can’t wait to show off to others. But you haven’t healed, you bandage yourself up, and you go about the world trying to enlighten others. Oh, but when the trials and test come, what’s your score?

Have you met my Representative?

Many of us approach our new found enlightenment like a new relationship. Those first three months are usually the honeymoon stage, and it always comes to an end once reality sets in and we realize it takes actual work to sustain. When you reach what we deem to be a certain level of enlightenment, your self-work does not end. It begins with you. This world offers a plethora of temptations, evil has been made fair-seeming, and those unhealed parts of you tune right into the lure of negativity and unrighteousness. When you fail to “Fix” all those demons inside and address those generational traumas that have been passed down through nature and nurture, those cracks in the armor will only spread and get larger when pressure is applied. Although there are people who will appreciate knowing that you struggle just like them, they will even applaud your long social media post acknowledging that you are just as fallible as everyone else. But what you also show them is that the truth that you claim has helped you to be a better person, really hasn't worked so well in your life.

Your words are pretty but what about your actions?

We have a problem people, and albeit we are human, and thus will endure drama, most of which is dropped in our laps. It is how we deal with it that separates the truly enlightened and healed person (healing is infinite) from the unhealed souls. When your living testimony shows a transformation in and out of the public the “Truth” you teach becomes more palatable and credible because you live a life according to the truth you profess. When you attempt to lead a life above the fray, it’s challenging when you don’t address your issues because there is a cesspool of pain all around us, and your ability to attract other hurt souls, makes you susceptible to falling in and reverting back to piss poor decisions. It will have you walking around with your actions not matching your words. Your audience waits though, and when your dirt is exposed they will gloat, laugh and criticize you for doing the exact same things they are doing. Misery loves company. This is why it’s important in our efforts to lead others, and to share wisdom, that our words must, in fact, match our actions. You cannot use social platforms as your therapy chair. Of course, we can inspire others through the things that we overcome, and sharing our stories is great and likely helpful, BUT if you keep sharing your stories, and it’s the same story over and over, the same misguided patterns, you are showing that you truly haven’t learned. You are like the boy/girl that cried wolf. Your credibility is lost. Go and get yourself fixed. If you want to share that journey great but sharing your toxic patterns repeatedly does no real good for anyone really. Sure people may resonate with your story, and feel they are not alone, but what solutions have you genuinely shown if you haven’t truly changed? Commiserating over misery is pointless, and fruitless.

Fix It!

It seems at times the ones we think need the most help, are the ones living a transparent life. They are not hiding their indiscretions, hell the ignorant are usually loud and proud of their less than savory ways. Yet, the righteous and so-called woke folks are covering things up, living their best lie, and as soon as it's revealed they are deemed hypocrites because they had the audacity to try to preach and teach others how to lead a life that they are in fact not leading. Many are still unfaithful to their spouses, walk away and hurt people, abuse people, abuse power the list goes on. At the end of the day, we are human and fallible and will make errors and bad judgment calls. Most operate from an emotional space, and without logic and sound reasoning. This isn’t a judgment, it’s encouragement to go out and “Fix” yourself, and be who you really claim to be. Go out and spread powerful messages, change the world but before you go out and save others…fix yourself. Most people are forgiving after a while, so it’s never too late to “Fix” yourself. This doesn’t mean you will not have to constantly deal with the punches life throws at you, and it doesn’t mean that you won’t deal with stress, or loss nor are you expected to be emotionless and unbothered. You just need to “fix” it. We really can’t be a true aid to others if we don’t help ourselves first.

The term “Woke” has been used so much that it is a part of pop culture phrases. Most people aren’t truly awakened they are merely walking around in a dream-like state. Awake before you die, many die before they awake.

I leave you with this Haiku:

Noble are your words

But do they reflect the truth

Of your real actions.

Moments in Sisterhood..

Sun, 02 Apr 2017 05:16:15 GMT

Moments in Sisterhood...

The planning has started for my next two retreats, and I am overly excited. Our February 2017 retreat was a beautiful experience, and by all accounts a success. It is our goal to make our next two retreats even greater. There is so much planning that goes into creating a retreat, I am looking forward to sharing beautiful sunrises with you at our next retreat. Please enjoy the video from our February 2017 Retreat!